Chill The F**k Out, Conservatives. Trump Isn’t Saving Christmas.

Here we go again with the idiot conservatives and their “War on Christmas.” Donald Trump’s former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, told Fox News (naturally) that we can once again say “Merry Christmas.”

“You can say again Merry Christmas because Donald Trump is now the president. You can say it again. It’s OK to say.”

That’s fucking excellent, Mr. Lewandowski. In other news, grass is green, Santa’s fat, and your former employer has his head so far up his orange ass that he can’t hear the sound of his half-wit followers clapping like trained seals at this asinine pronouncement.

No shit, we can say “Merry Christmas.” That’s never been a problem. Some right-wing nut jobs like to say it’s the left that’s trying to put a damper on holiday greetings — or whatever the fuck you want to call them — but listen, I’m so far to the left I don’t even write with my right hand and flaming atheist on top of it, and if someone tells me “Merry Christmas and God bless,” you know what I’m going to say?

“Merry Christmas, thank you, have a great day!”

Why? Because I’m not an asshole who thinks that everyone should think like I do, and I recognize that whether someone is saying “Merry Christmas” or “Happy holidays” or “Joyous whatthefuckever,” they’re showing kindness in their own way, it doesn’t hurt anyone, and I’m grateful that someone took a second to say something nice.

This is real life. It’s not some stupid cable TV Christmas special where an evil faction of rational scientists are trying to thwart the town’s Christmas plans, only to have the Tangerine Tyrant shed his gruff and moronic exterior to save the day by giving Christmas back to the people. Christmas never left, guys; it’s alive and well. Go to the mall, you’ll see — it’s like an orgy of glitter and Santa hats in there, with that gawd-awful Mariah Carey Christmas song blasting through the tinny sound system at just the right pitch to make your ears ring with the force of a thousand jingle bells.

There is no war on Christmas, Obama’s not hiding out behind the Christmas tree waiting to steal your guns out of your stocking, and you’re free to spread your holiday cheer any way that you see fit. You always have been. Get the fuck over yourselves.

featured image via: twitter




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