Aww, Poor Baby! Douchenozzle Supreme Rudy Giuliani Lost Out On The Job He Most Wanted

Some sad violin music, please. We have somber news to report.

Former New York City mayor and perpetual dillhole Rudy Giuliani has been dropped from the list of contenders to be Donald Trump’s Secretary of State.

A statement from Trump announced that Giuliani removed his name from consideration last month, and then Trump added:

“Rudy Giuliani is an extraordinarily talented and patriotic American. I will always be appreciative of his 24/7 dedication to our campaign after I won the primaries and for his extremely wise counsel. He is and continues to be a close personal friend, and as appropriate, I will call upon him for advice and can see an important place for him in the administration at a later date.

“Rudy would have been an outstanding member of the Cabinet in several roles, but I fully respect and understand his reasons for remaining in the private sector.”

Now let’s cut through the waist-high donkey dung and get to the real reason: Rudy knows there is no way on God’s green earth he could ever survive confirmation hearings. He has far too many questions about his connections to shady figures and the millions he’s made giving paid speeches to ever subject himself to a grilling from Senators. Also, he’s one of the most abrasive and annoying assholes in the world.

That’s the good news. And now the bad: This means Giuliani will have even more time to go on cable news and shill for his buddy Don the Con. So while I’m delighted Rudy won’t be running the State Department, the thought of him being on CNN all the time makes me want to puke.

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